Monday, November 21, 2011

Pizza (Food)

Now if only cheeseburgers could be
considered dairy.
Finally, no more green peas, broccoli, beans, tomatoes, carrots, celery, and all of those other foods that everyone hates anyway.  Congress really buckled down recently to push out this important legislation to make pizza a vegetable.  Its a good thing that rioting, an unstable economy, and a war that is still going did not impede the ability to work on real issues facing all Americans.

They're both triangles, makes
sense.
So why has Congress decided to make pizza a vegetable...the answer is obvious, Obama.  The Obama Administration wanted tomato paste and puree to equally represent the equivalent serving size.  Currently, a serving of vegetables is the size of a full tomato or a full cup of whatever vegetable you wish (two cups in the case of lettuce and such)  However, in the case tomato paste and puree, only an eighth of a cup is the equivalent to a half a severing of vegetables (a full cup of tomato paste and puree is considered a full serving of vegetables).  Essentially, this measurement representing the non-fact that less is more, helps the industries that make the frozen pizza and lunches for schools.  So since Obama's master plan of controlling children's diets has been blocked, the slabs of square pizza that were so delicious in high school can remain a "healthy" part of a balanced lunch.  Apparently, supplying students with a carrot in addition to lunch menu is just too much for "Pizza Fridays."
Only the best for our children.

This is an example of two major problems with Congress.  First, that taxpayers are paying for these sort of decisions.  What a waste.  Second, that Congress also doesn't really care about the health of the young people in this country.  Sure, on a nutritional level an eighth of a cup of tomato paste can be comparable (not the equivalent) to a half a piece of fruit in some areas.  However, you are not getting as full as you would eating the fruit and you are consuming about 33 times more sodium, more than twice as much fat, and almost three times more sugar in doing so.

So with that said, happy eating America.  You can rest assured that whenever you eat a slice of pizza you could now be more guilt free because Congress used money and influence rather than science and facts to tell this country what's healthy and what could be just as good as healthy.  Expect the amount of pepperoni and cheese on a slice of pizza to be proportional to what is expected of dairy and meat intakes during lunchtime.  This way anyone eating frozen pizza for lunch could have the ultimate meal by the meager standards of the US government.

3 comments:

  1. Another step back for mankind--you would think by now we would have realized that "you are [in fact] what you eat". Of course, an overweight and sick population does wonders for revenue for the pharmacuetical and medical industry.

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  2. the food pyramid and pizza slice comparison is spot on hilarious.

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  3. I found the picture on the internets. I just re-posted it. Credit goes to someone funnier than me.

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